Behavioral Health Articles
Discipline – One Key to Good Mental Health in Youth
by Jackie Yaman
What is discipline? When asked, the average parent will say that discipline is correcting a child’s unacceptable behaviors. The American Academy of Pediatrics however has defined discipline as, “the system of teaching and nurturing that prepares children to achieve competence, self-control, self-direction and caring of others.” From toddlers to teens, youth feel better about themselves and do better socially when they receive consistent and suitable discipline. Developing a personal sense of worth and the ability to interact positively with others that results from effective discipline are signs of good mental health.
To discipline well, parents need parenting skills. Parenting skills, like other skills, are learned. Most parents learn to parent from their own parents and this may work well for your family. If there are some areas of your parenting style that you’d like to change and you don’t know how to, take heart. You CAN get the answers you need.
There are many books, magazines, and materials on the Internet written specifically to aid parents in learning to discipline well. Your child’s pediatrician, school social worker, or counselor can be helpful in answering questions about topics as they arise in daily living. There are several classes offered locally that can help you in guiding and nurturing your child. Parents with Hope is offered at CAPCO, 753-6781; Talk About Positive Parenting is offered by Cornell Cooperative Extension, 753-1351; and Strengthening Families is offered through your child’s school. Family Counseling Services, 753-0234, is also about to launch a program.
All three of the following must be in place for discipline from a parent to be effective: 1) the child must feel loved and valued as a result of a supportive relationship with their parent, 2) positive acknowledgement (words or objects) must be used to increased wanted behaviors, 3) any acknowledgement of unwanted behaviors must stop or punishment must be used to reduce or stop unwanted behaviors.
It can be helpful to think of your child as an Adult-In-Training. Just as you expect to be treated kindly as you’re told the rules when you are new on a job, your child needs to be told what is expected of him in a calm and clear way. This allows him to feel confident that he can do what is required of him the next time.
When you see your child doing what you want him to do, be sure to tell him that you are pleased. Be aware that you are your child’s biggest example when it comes to learning behaviors. Set a good example and it will save you the time and aggravation of correcting bad habits. We all like to be acknowledged when we do a good job, so don’t be afraid to provide small rewards or an allowance that lets your child know that you noticed his efforts.
In pre-school children, time-out has been shown to increase compliance by 25% to 80%. A good rule of thumb is one minute of time-out per age of child. For an older child or teen taking away TV time for an evening or the loss of driving privileges are effective ways to punish rule breaking. Verbal reprimands can be effective tool, when delivered calmly, for children of all ages. Physical punishment should never be used. It has been shown to increase aggression in children, disrupts that parent-child relationship, and is a less effective strategy than time-out or removal of privileges for reducing undesirable behavior in children.
Jackie Yaman is a Family Advocate for Family Wraparound Program, a PINS Diversion Program at Cortland County Mental Health.
The Think Again! Group (TAG), is a local behavioral health task force whose goal is to reduce the stigma associated with mental health issues by increased awareness, education, and accessibility to mental health services. Articles by task force members or interested volunteers appear monthly. To become involved in the taskforce or learn more about emotional or behavioral health, call the Cortland County Mental Health Clinic at 758-6100 and ask for Garra.