Behavioral Health Articles

Mental Illness: Any Mother’s Child

by Kay Zaharis

My son is mentally ill. He wasn’t always mentally ill. He grew up “normal.” In his school years he excelled in his classes and was an active participant in extracurricular activities such as chess club, bowling team, boy scouts, high school band, and swim team. He was even invited to join Mensa. In his senior year he was accepted into Syracuse University’s Environmental School but decided not to attend. After attending three colleges he graduated from the University of Buffalo with a degree in Exercise Science. He might have shown signs of mental illness during his college years, but his behavior didn’t seem all that different from other young people trying to find their way to independence. After college he operated his own business for five years! He acted “normal”!

At the age of 29 he decided to leave his business and was again accepted into Syracuse University’s Environmental Studies program; however this was the end of his life as we knew it. In the fall of 2000 my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I was dumbfounded. As a mother who tried to encourage her children to look on the bright side of life, I told my son that the doctor was crazy--that there was nothing wrong with him. After all, I witnessed many other young adults his age who were confused about their studies and future. Consequently, he tried to continue his life as “normal”, but with much difficulty. After a year he returned to the University of Buffalo to seek a Master’s degree in Exercise Science. Again, his world collapsed and he experienced a year of mental anguish, torment, isolation, and fear beyond comprehension. Then we lost contact with each other when he moved several times. If you are a parent, you can imagine the agony I felt not knowing where my son was, how his health was, or if he was even alive. Because of privacy laws, I could not obtain information about where he might be living.

When I finally found him, he had just been released from Binghamton Hospital’s psychiatric unit. It was then that I helped him settle into his new life. He was no longer “normal.”

He now is totally disabled, both mentally and physically. He will never again be able to hold a job or live on his own. He gained 150 pounds due to his psychotropic medications. While he maintains his gentlemanly demeanor and his impeccable table manners, he doesn’t look very attractive. He doesn’t bath regularly, he often wears the same clothes for days, and I’m sure he even sleeps in them. He constantly wears a hat and sun glasses, and his pants hang down lower than I like to see. It is because of this outward appearance that he is often ridiculed and laughed at. He lives in a group home with others in his situation. The address is known as “one of those houses.”

I’m telling you all of this because this could happen to any child or adult. They don’t choose this kind of behavior. People like my son often cannot think clearly or logically. They often are fearful in social environments; they are uncomfortable with people they don’t know and many times even with their own family members.

When you see someone on the street who appears disheveled, or seems to be conversing with themselves, or lives in “one of those houses,” or has spasms as a result of medication, please remember: that person is someone’s child. That person has feelings. That person may have once been a productive member of society. Your compassion and kindness might instill some self-worth in people who, through no fault or choice of their own, cannot understand their actions.

Please do not stigmatize these people. Think again about their mental health. Thank you.

Kay Zaharis is Director of the Cortland Free Library.